SOCIAL MEDIA STRESS

Pinterest Stress: Close To Half Of Mothers Stressed By Social Media Site

 I agree with the stress PINTERST causes..the perfect looking desserts and food are so visually appealing and that make us strive for the picture perfect looking treats and food which causes anxiety if we are unable to replicate pictures. 

I am also very impressed with Erin Zammett Ruddy's empathy for other moms in that she decided not to share pics that were misleading.

(article from Huffington Post)

"For this reason, Ruddy wrote earlier this year, she decided not to share a misleadingly angelic photo of her kids making a snowman on her Facebook page.

"The kids look too cute and happy and sweet. And they honestly were none of the above at that moment. More importantly, nor was I," she elaborated. "What if a mom who was having a bad day with her brood saw my status update and thought, sh*t, I should be outside with my kids or I should be building a snowman? If that mom can do it, so can I. Well, I couldn't do it. And so I didn't post it."

Social media anxiety disorder may not be a recognized mental health issue (yet), but for some moms, social network-inflicted stress has added considerable pressure to parenthood.
Pinterest in particular is stressing out close to half of moms, according to a TODAY Moms survey of over 7,000 mothers across the country. A whopping 42 percent of respondents said that the image-sharing site has caused them anxiety.
Pinterest culture can generate feelings of inadequacy by creating a pressure to throw elaborate birthday parties, attempt intimidating DIYs and bake picture-perfect cupcakes. Comparing the less pristine reality of motherhood to the polished sheen of online images may cause moms to worry about falling short if their culinary or crafting skills don't seem to measure up.
The TODAY Moms survey also found that the greatest pressure on moms isn't coming from other mothers. Rather, it's self-inflicted: three-quarters of the survey's respondents said that the pressure they put on themselves is more powerful than the pressure they feel from other moms.
Other social networks contribute to moms' anxiety, too. Instagram, for example, can present false portraits of idealized family life, adding to the pressure to be a "perfect" mother.
Author and mom of two Claire Bidwell Smith wrote in a HuffPost blog last year that the photos she posts on Instagram depict an idyllic life that doesn't reflect the reality of how she feels on a day-to-day basis. Still, she said, she appreciates the moments of peace that the photos capture.
"I spend so much time feeling like things aren't good enough that when they are, I take a picture, desperate to hold onto that moment for just a little longer," she explained.

Facebook isn't much better: The site can easily become a breeding ground for parental anxiety, with images and statuses presenting a romanticized portrait of life with young children. "Fakebooking" -- posting photos and statuses that cast family events in an unrealistic light -- can make it more difficult to be a parent, according to Parenting.com's Erin Zammett Ruddy. For this reason, Ruddy wrote earlier this year, she decided not to share a misleadingly angelic photo of her kids making a snowman on her Facebook page.
"The kids look too cute and happy and sweet. And they honestly were none of the above at that moment. More importantly, nor was I," she elaborated. "What if a mom who was having a bad day with her brood saw my status update and thought, sh*t, I should be outside with my kids or I should be building a snowman? If that mom can do it, so can I. Well, I couldn't do it. And so I didn't post it."
But some parents decide to share those "perfect" moments anyway, knowing that there's always more to the story. In a post on Kveller earlier this year, Sarah Emily Tuttle-Singer wrote about a deceptive photo she did post on Facebook -- one that made a stressful Saturday with the kids look like a day of laughter and sunshine.
"[H]ere’s the dirty little secret that I’ll never admit on Facebook: I love my kids every freaking second. Would I die for them? You bet," she wrote. "But, I don’t always want to be with them."
Mothers may be able to interact with social media with less stress by using the sites to connect with other moms, swap ideas and find inspiration -- bearing in mind that the statuses and photos they see never quite tell the truth.
"My life on Facebook is an airbrushed and Instagrammed image of my real life," as Tuttle-Singer put it. "Most of the time, I think I’m a decent mom, and I think I’m giving my kids a pretty good life. But I also think I’d be a better mom if I stopped pretending, and making friends on Facebook feel like they have to pretend as well."

The Most Astounding Fact

 http://apwateronline.com/2012/07/04/the-most-astounding-fact/

2012/07/04

This time, it’s all about you

She Says by Jessica Napier
METRO CANADA
Published: September 06, 2011 5:01 a.m.

Humans are social creatures; we crave the comfort of other warm-blooded beings in close proximity. At work we’re lauded for our teamwork skills and at leisure we’re obsessed with being connected (virtually or otherwise). And yet, despite our natural desire to seek out togetherness, there is something to be said for being alone.

No, not the sad, weepy, nobody-loves-me kind of loneliness you experience on the first night after a breakup. And not the alone time that you spend tweeting or curating your Facebook profile. I’m talking about legit solitude.

The thought of isolation makes some people very nervous. After five minutes of seclusion we feel panicky, compelled to reach for our phones and connect to the rest of the world. But when we are constantly looking to others to validate our existence, learning how to be alone is more important than ever.

I often find myself feeling desperate to disconnect and enjoy some solid me time. Not because I’m antisocial and wallowing in self pity (I’m looking at you, Bridget Jones, singing All By Myself into a tub of ice cream) but because in everyday life there is a constant pressure to be on. Sometimes I just need to switch off.

It’s so important to take time off from the daily performance of being a best friend, a lover, a co-worker, and to allow ourselves to just be. Whenever I’m by myself, I find time to do all those things I’ve been meaning to do, or I find time to do nothing at all.

Whether I’m more relaxed or more productive, I’m ultimately more myself when I’m alone than at any other time.

Single living, if your budget allows, is a marvelous luxury. You have total freedom to live by your own rules: make a mess, go out all night, sleep all day (diagonally if you’re so inclined), have cereal for dinner, listen to awful music and decorate however you please.

And if you become unsatisfied with your solo time indoors, the city can be a wonderful place for loners. You can wander unnoticed in the crowded streets, disappear in darkened movie theatres, slip into near-silent art galleries and forget the rest of the world.

Solitude in large doses may not be for everyone, but to be alone by choice — in a content and meaningful way — is an essential part of the human experience.

More about Jessica Napier

the giving that resonates with me..

here is one:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/c-clinton-sidle/the-spirit-of-giving-like_b_799639.html

The Spirit of Giving: Like a King, a Ferryman or a Shepherd?

share this story31600Get Living Alerts
Sign Up
Submit this storydigg reddit stumble A few years ago I arranged for students to do volunteer clean-up work for a local land trust. We spent the day cleaning up garbage that had been dumped on recently acquired property near family homes in a poor rural community. The day was wet but we had fun helping out in the muck, mire, and stench of the clean-up. By the end of the day we were tired and dirty.

In our closing, I asked everyone for their personal reflections. As we went around the circle, everyone was expressing their gratitude and appreciation for the opportunity to help. Then we came to someone who was in tears. She said that the highlight of her day was when she went up to say hello to one of the families. They thanked her from the bottom of their hearts for cleaning up their "back yard." Now the children could play again in the forest without fear of getting hurt. We were then all in tears.

In giving, you receive. When you give something to someone else, you are often the one who feels best. Reflect for a moment on a time when you helped someone with a flat tire, given directions to a person who is lost, given up your seat to someone who needs it more, or simply given support to someone having a bad day? What happens to you inside? I'll bet your small act of generosity was the highlight of your day. Everyone is better off and you often feel a 'helper's high.' One of the fundamental truths of life is that none of us can sincerely help another without helping ourselves too.

I have written before about a time a when I decided to wrap up and cash in a basket of coins I had accumulated. Every day when I get home I empty whatever change is in my pocket into this basket. In the past, the change would disappear as my children would pick through it for extra spending money. Now in an empty nest, it was overflowing. So I threw the change in a bag and took it to the local grocery store where there was an automatic coin sorter.

It was Christmas season, and as I was entering the store, an old friend of mine was ringing the bell at a Salvation Army donation stop. I spontaneously handed the bag of coins to him and we instantly broke into laughter and appreciation for what we were both doing. That moment stuck with me as a source of joy and comfort for days.

Not only our Christian heritage but every one our world spiritual traditions points to the value of generosity to our happiness and well being. There is true wisdom in this. Our modern academic researchers too have shown that altruism and generosity bring a sense of well-being and good mental health.

But during this time of year, it is easy to forget this original meaning of the "holiday spirit." We get wrapped up in the process of giving but often along the way lose the true spirit of giving. As a friend once said to me, "We can lose God in prayer to God." We can give money, we can give time, we can give a piece of ourselves, but what is most important for our happiness, well being and the benefit of others is what is in our hearts.

Does your giving feel like single acts, as in giving to a noble cause each year, or is it more of an everyday experience? Who is more generous, for instance, Warren Buffet, Bill Gates, and a host of other billionaires who make one-time gifts of vast amounts of their fortune to create foundations and causes in their names, or the mothers in Darfur who give up meals each and every day so their children can eat? Both are important, of course, but I believe that the potential benefit to ourselves and others are greater if our giving is more of a way of life and comes without expectation of something in return. Imagine the ripple effect if we all lived our lives this way.

There is an old Buddhist metaphor that asks, do you give as a king who magnanimously shares his wealth with his people after it is gained, or do you give as a ferryman who ferries himself and others across the river safely together, or do you give as a shepherd who makes sure his flock is always in front and arrives safely first? Which do you think brings a greater benefit and sense of well-being?

I haven't always given of myself, but I learned to behave into a new way of being (another way of saying 'fake it 'til you make it.') I remember debating with a friend, for instance, about how I wanted to be more generous in my feelings with others but couldn't. Since I didn't feel generous, I argued, how I could I be generous? It wasn't authentic. Finally one day I just tried complimenting a friend, even though it didn't feel quite natural to me at the time. Surprisingly, not only was he was moved, but so was I. My acting generously aroused feelings of generosity.

Sometime later, in a meeting with friends, this issue of giving of myself came up again. They weren't satisfied with the emotional connection they were getting from me. So they challenged me to sit in front of each one of them, look into their eyes, and express what I saw and what I felt. To my amazement, squeezed in this way my intuition and my heart came rushing forth. Somehow, on a gut level, I knew both the gifts and the challenges each person had in this life and pointed to them accurately. In expressing this in words, I also felt a deeper appreciation for them. In those few moments, I gave myself totally over to each one of my friends and discovered a gift that I always thought was missing but was really there all along.

Giving in these little ways is now a big part of my life. We can all learn to give. Winston Churchill said, "We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give." There is real transformative power in giving, and that is the true spirit of Christmas.

Clint Sidle is the Director of the Roy H. Park Leadership Fellows Program at the Johnson School - Cornell University and author of This Hungry Spirit: Your Need for Basic Goodness (December 2009) www.larsonpublications.com.

Trendy turn-offs and fashion fights (I can totally relate)-Article by Jessica Napier

What better compliment than your husband turning and saying 'wow' 'u look awesome'!!..I have my own personal style that sometimes does not sit well with Keith..still, it is important that I hold my own and not give in all the time to the way he wants to see me dressed up. he has his style and I have mine..while i'd love for him to say 'wow'..i am not about to compromise all the time. Like when I got my new bag...he thought it was ghastly and not everyone liked it, infact most people didnt' and because of that reaction i started to doubt my judgement...but I thought to the time when I laid eyes on it and when I was walking out of the shop, so proud, with my head held high and my bag in full view to the public..like to say' look, what I found' :-)

still having said that, i am changing and finding my unique style and guess what? we actually sometimes agree on fashion. the article below by Jessica resonated with me.infact she articulated it better that I could have..

Trendy turn-offs and fashion fights

The other day, I found myself standing in my closet with a serious case of nothing to wear syndrome.
After I had spent half an hour rummaging through an enormous pile of clothes, I eventually decided to throw on an old standby summer dress. I emerged from the closet in a fun, flirty (and maybe most importantly, forgiving) frock only to be met with unappreciative groans from my boyfriend who had been patiently waiting while I had my wardrobe-related meltdown.

“Couldn’t you wear something a little tighter?” he asked, eyeing my flowy, empire waist garment. “That looks a little bit like a tent.”

Apparently, my testosterone-fuelled roommate is not a fan of comfort over curves. I decided to keep the dress on regardless -- this was hardly the first time we had feuded over fashion.

Our most memorable clash was our war of words over the siren-red lipstick. I say sexy bombshell, he says unkissable harlot. It seems most men do not appreciate puckering up to someone with an intensely pigmented mouth.

Why do men and women have such vastly different opinions on our favourite items of clothing? I have to assume that guys don’t really care about the clothes themselves, they’re more concerned with how we look in them. Figure trumps fashion, and so the trends we find en vogue are often given a thumbs down by the men in our lives.

Looking back, we’ve all made some style faux-pas at one point or another. In the ’90s, my middle-school self had a bad perm and an even more heinous collection of French berets.

I guess I’ve always taken an experimental approach to fashion. This year alone I’ve dabbled in bold shoulder pads, floral hair bands, faux fur vests, clogs, pastel blue nail polish — hell, I even own a pair of jeggings. But more often than not, these looks are met with an eyebrow raise from a partner who doesn’t seem to appreciate my penchant for achingly trendy items.

So what fashion fad do men hate the most? UGGs. Yes, according to a recent study (and by that I mean an informal poll of my male friends and coworkers) these ubiquitously frumpy boots top the tragic trend list.

Sorry guys, but as long as there are mid-February snowstorms and icy sidewalks, you’ll find us stomping through the slush in our hideously practical footwear.

Girl Crushes- so true for me...(by Jessica Napier)

The fine art of admiring your girl crush

A couple weeks ago, I spotted her at a too-hip-for-me restaurant. I instantly felt flustered and had to whisper an awkward explanation to my confused dinner companion. Look at her! Her hair is the best and that dress is so cute and she’s in interior design and, Oh my God, did you see her shoes?

Luckily, my friend understood; we’ve all experienced that totally irrational nervousness around a girl crush at one point or another.


Let me clarify, I’m not rethinking my sexuality. I have a girl crush and my feelings are very platonic; it’s a decidedly non-sexual appreciation.


A 2005 New York Times article on the subject of girl crushes describes the phenomenon as the “fervent infatuation that one heterosexual woman develops for another woman who may seem impossibly sophisticated, gifted, beautiful or accomplished.”


That sounds about right.


Girl crushes are those fantastic femmes we put up on a pedestal because they’re just so unbelievably cool. They are the women that design jewelry as a career, never have a bad hair day and can actually wear an on-trend jumpsuit without looking like a plumber.


Evidently, I’ve fallen pretty hard for my own same-sex object of desire. But it’s totally harmless and not at all creepy (I promise). I don’t want to get with her; I just want to hang out, maybe borrow some of her clothes.


The best girl crushes aren’t close friends (that’s just weird) but someone to admire from afar. Celebrities are common subjects for girl-crushing, but personally I am much more likely to develop a thing for a friend of a friend, a girl who rides the bus with me, or (dare I say it) a stranger I stumble upon while browsing a long-lost classmate’s Facebook profile.


Let’s reiterate — I swear this isn’t creepy.


Funnily enough, my boyfriend usually offers a pretty lacklustre response when I point out a girl that I think is oh-so-awesome. While you might assume he’s just trying to be diplomatic, this actually makes a lot of sense. Girl crushes are Girl Hot rather than Guy Hot. Trust me, there’s a difference. Megan Fox is Guy Hot, Alexa Chung is Girl Hot.


Women become enamoured with women who are funky, stylish and successful while men tend to worship … well, body parts.

Meditation for Children, Swami Rama on Teaching Meditation to Children

Meditation for Children, Swami Rama on Teaching Meditation to Children

Selfish giving: Charity's dark side - thestar.com

Selfish giving: Charity's dark side - thestar.com

A long time ago, when I was about 14 years old, I answered the door to find one of my teachers delivering a Christmas basket of food. He was full of Christmas cheer. My mother was thankful; I was speechless.

Life for single mothers on welfare is full of hard work and struggle. But we were always well dressed and fed, lacking nothing essential. The basket suggested otherwise. And the message came from someone I had to face every day in school.

My reaction was to head for the nearest bus stop. I rode around Montreal for the afternoon, staying away from home as long as possible.

It is common this time of year to talk of the importance of giving, and how good it feels to give. But little is said about how it feels to receive charity. It's assumed those in need will be grateful, and many are.

But psychologists and charity officials caution that the giving/receiving relationship can leave people with a sense of shame. With 156,500 people in Toronto receiving Ontario Works assistance in October – 23,300 more than in October 2008 – getting the relationship right is all the more important.

Rarely noted is that the poor give a larger proportion of their income to help others – often people they know – than the middle class, says Jay Brandenberger, associate professor of psychology at the University of Notre Dame's Center for Social Concerns.

For the poor, sharing is a survival strategy. For the middle class – Christmas giving aside – advancement is based more on saving and paying off debt.

Still, studies in psychology, particularly the work of Elizabeth Dunn and Lara Aknin at the University of British Columbia, indicate everyone reports feeling happier when spending money on others instead of themselves.

Dunn, an assistant professor of psychology, and Aknin, a PhD student, will soon publish a study noting people who make donations are happiest when they hand the money to the recipient. "The face-to-face interaction is important," Aknin says. "We find that when people make an anonymous donation or an anonymous gift, they don't see the same happiness benefits.

"There's an evolutionary argument that we are hard-wired to do things that benefit others and to feel good about it, perhaps because people might return the favour in the future or because we live up to the positive views we have of ourselves," she adds.

The motives, in other words, may be more selfish than altruistic. Charity officials see it regularly.

"Sometimes, people give not because they're concerned about somebody else's needs, but because they want to feel good about themselves," says Maj. Doug Hammond, pastor at the Salvation Army church on Dovercourt Rd.

That attitude subverts what should be the main message – that everyone "is in this together, and we're just sharing," he says. "To give a guy a bowl of soup and make him feel like a beggar undermines everything that we do because the ultimate poverty is a loss of dignity."

There are, of course, many like a woman who recently made a quilt for a student in need, and had her husband deliver it anonymously. "I don't want the student to feel indebted to me," she says. "I focus on the result – that she gets what she needs – rather than where it comes from."

But Louise Coutu, executive director of the Toronto branch of St. Vincent de Paul, says the charity must often disappoint food basket donors who want to deliver the gifts themselves. "We try to make people understand that getting the gifts to the person is more important than making you feel good by delivering it," Coutu says. "But it's hard. People take that personally. People want to go and ring the doorbell. They want to feel good. They want that response from the recipient."

Besides, the reaction is not always as expected.

"You just never know what you're going to get when you open that door. Some people are thrilled to have you there and others are very begrudging," Coutu says.

Trained volunteers, such as Giovanna Di-Serio, deliver St. Vincent de Paul's donations. When Di-Serio, 58, recently brought bags of donated gifts to a single mother with two children in Scarborough, she was greeted like an old friend.

Daynor, the recipient, said she hesitated before turning to St. Vincent de Paul for help years ago.

"I was scared," says Daynor, 33, who asked that her last name not be used. "I didn't know what they would think. People in general are very judgmental: `Oh, that person is on social assistance, that person is in social housing, they're lazy, they're up to no good.'"

Di-Serio is nothing like that. Not only does she deliver donations once a year, she takes Daynor's 6-year-old son to hospital when he's ill, she invites the family to her home, and she helped Daynor go back to school and become a part-time educational assistant at the Toronto Catholic school board.

"You meet people like Giovanna and you start saying, `Wow, there's actually good people out there,'" Daynor says. "It gives you a little push. You want to go the extra step to help yourself."

Giving obviously makes a difference. But how one gives is perhaps more important, especially when children are involved.

"Children can feel stigmatized when they're the recipients of charity or the clients of social work services," says Laura Curran, associate professor at Rutgers University School of Social Work. "A lot has to do with how the adults around them frame it."

When children hear that everyone at times can use a hand, they're more comfortable with the help they get than when it's suggested they're lucky others are generous, Curran says.

Brandenberger says teenagers are particularly susceptible to feelings of anger or shame. They recognize they're less advantaged than those doing the giving. They can also detect messages suggesting the charity is due to a deficit in themselves.

"If you come to save the other person, it implies they can't save themselves, which is a pretty big critique.

"No one wants to discourage giving at Christmas time. But giving could be complex for the receiver, and a knowledge of that would be a good thing to add to the situation.

"We should come at it with the idea that we're all in this together."

Swami Rama on Mindfulness and Attention, Importance of Will Power

Swami Rama on Mindfulness and Attention, Importance of Will Power